In Everything Give Thanks by Pr. Lowell Hargreaves

As we look back over the past year , we have a lot to reflect upon. There have been high points and low points—joys and sorrows. We each have things that we are grateful for, and things that we regret. Yes, 2022 has had its share of ups and downs. I hope that whatever was your experience this past year, that you have grown spiritually, and that your character is more like Christ’s.

Encouragament for the New Year (2023)

There is a little text, sandwiched between two other even smaller texts, that I want you to put into your pocket, and carry with you all through this new year.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

What is that 1st phrase? “In everything give thanks.” Paul could have said, “FOR everything give thanks.” And we should give thanks FOR everything (Eph. 5:20). But here Paul says “IN everything give thanks.”

What is the difference between giving thanks FOR everything, and giving thanks IN everything? Is there a difference? YES! What’s the difference? “FOR everything,” implies the gifts we receive: life, food, family, finances, etc. (the THINGS of life). “IN everything,” implies in all CIRCUMSTANCES of life. The New Living Translation says, “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

It is easy to be thankful for circumstances, when circumstances are pleasant; when they are according to our will—what we want or like. The fact is, often we don’t even give thanks to God for the benefits and blessings that we receive, right?

You may remember that Jesus once healed 10 lepers of leprosy (Luke 17:11-19). How many came back to say “thank you?” Only one. That tells me that we are generally only thankful for a 1/10 or tithe of the blessings we receive from God. Did God bless you this past year? Then what should you do? “Give thanks!” Give thanks to WHO? TO GOD. FOR everything, and IN everything—in every circumstance.

But now tell me—did you have any trials this past year; any heartaches, setbacks, disappointments? Did you have any circumstances this past year that you DIDN’T LIKE? What does Paul say to do in those circumstances? “Give thanks!” Be thankful in trials? YES! That’s what the Bible says! It is easy to be thankful for the “good” things in life. But God sees that we need some refining, in order to be fitted for heaven.

Isaiah 48:10 – “Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver;
I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.”

Have you been in the “furnace” this past year? —the Furnace of affliction? What should you do, when you find yourself in the “furnace of affliction.” Give thanks!

1 Peter 4:12, 13 – “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice [that’s like saying ‘Be thankful’], inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

Here are some quotations worthy of our reflection.

The first one is taken from the book Great Controversy page 623: “The Lord is ever setting before us, not the way we would choose, which seems easier and pleasanter to us, but the true aims of life.” Then we have another one from Ministry of Healing page 473: “Often our plans fail that God’s plans for us may succeed.”

Do you want God’s plans for you to succeed? Then what must happen to your plans? They will often fail. And when your plans fail, what should you do? What did Paul say?

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

This leads us to ask: (1) Why should we thank God IN everything? (2) What should we give thanks for?

Let’s begin with the first question,

Reasons to be THANKFUL:

1) Thanksgiving is an expression of TRUST in God

There is nothing unusual about being thankful for the blessings and benefits that we receive from God. That’s expected. But to be thankful when things go wrong; when circumstances are painful; when sorrow comes; when heartaches make us feel like crying—to be thankful at times like that, is an EXPRESSION of TRUST in God. The Bible says in Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Not all things are GOOD. But “all things work together for good to them that love God.” Do you love God? Then everything that comes to you is working for your ultimate and eternal good.

“The Lord can bring victory out of that which may seem to us discomfiture and defeat. We are in danger of forgetting God, of looking at the things which are seen, instead of beholding by the eye of faith the things which are unseen. When misfortune or calamity comes, we are ready to charge God with neglect or cruelty. If He sees fit to cut off our usefulness in some line, we mourn, not stopping to think that thus God may be working for our good. We need to learn that chastisement is a part of His great plan and that under the rod of affliction the Christian may sometimes do more for the Master than when engaged in active service.” (Acts of Apostles, p. 481)

“Whatever may be your circumstances, however dark and mysterious may be the ways of Providence, though the path may be through the deep waters, and trials and bereavements may afflict again and again, the assurance still comes, ‘All things work together for good to them that love God’ (Romans 8:28).” (Selected Messages, Vol. 2, p. 261 )

 2) Thanksgiving is a window into the spiritual condition of the soul

In other words, our expression of thanksgiving reveals what is in our hearts. Let’s read about the connection between the expression of the lips and the condition of the heart from a biblical perspective.

Matthew 12:34-37 “O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” When we express thanksgiving IN every circumstance, we are revealing what is in our hearts. Put SOMETHING PRETTY into the windows of your life, that others can smile about. GIVE THANKS!

 “We need not keep our own record of trials and difficulties, griefs, and sorrows. All these things are written in the books, and heaven will take care of them. While we are counting up the disagreeable things, many things that are pleasant to reflect upon are passing from memory, such as the merciful kindness of God surrounding us every moment and the love over which angels marvel, that God gave His Son to die for us.” (Ministry of Healing, pp. 487-488)

We are all “accountants.” The question is, what are we “counting?” Are you COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS, or counting your TRIALS, GRIEFS, DIFFICULITIES, & SORROWS?

“If as workers for Christ you feel that you have had greater cares and trials than have fallen to the lot of others, remember that for you there is a peace unknown to those who shun these burdens. There is comfort and joy in the service of Christ.” (Ibid)

Instead of saying “Why me?” when you have problems, you should say, “Why NOT me?” Save the “Why Me” question for your BLESSINGS! “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Having found the reasons as to why we should give thanks IN everything, let us proceed to answer the next question: What should we give thanks for?

7 THINGS to be THANKFUL for during difficult circumstances:

1) That God is with us.
God has promised to all His tried children: “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5)

2) That God has promised to SUSTAIN us
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)

3) That God is REFINING us
“Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.” (Isaiah 48:10)

4) That God will not allow us to be tried above what we are able to bear
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

5) That God’s loves us
“Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee” (Jeremiah 31:3). “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” (Hebrews 12:6). See also Revelation 3:19.

6) That all things will work together for our greater good in the end.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) 

7) That we still have HOPE—there is HOPE for YOU!
A. We have hope in Christ’s soon coming.
This is the blessed hope that we have as God’s people. What a joy that will be when our Saviour we see in His glory coming to take His children into His glorious kingdom. (Titus 2:13)

B. We have the hope of eternal life where there shall be no suffering, sorrow, pain, problems, and NO SIN!
“That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us: Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil.” (Hebrews 6:18, 19, Revelation 21:4)

Martin Rinkart

In 1636, amid the darkness of the Thirty Years’ War (1618 – 1638), a German pastor named Martin Rinkart, is said to have buried five thousand of his parishioners in one year, and average of fifteen a day. His parish was ravaged by war, death, and economic disaster. In the heart of that darkness, with the cries of fear outside his window, he sat down and wrote this table grace (prayer before meals) for his children…

Now thank we all our God (Hymn #559)

Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,
Who wondrous things hath done, in whom this world rejoices;
Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.

O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts and blessed peace to cheer us;
And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
And free us from all ills, in this world and the next!

All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given;
The Son and Him who reigns with Them in highest Heaven;
The one eternal God, whom earth and Heaven adore;
For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore.

—Martin Rinkart, c. 1636

Dear friend, may God give you the grace to be thankful in all circumstances as He gave to Martin Rinkart.

 

1. Establish your own private home.

“A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Answer:   God’s principle is that a married couple should move out of their parents’ homes and establish their own, even if finances require something modest, such as a one-room apartment. A husband and wife should decide this together, as one, and remain firm even if someone opposes. Many marriages would be improved if this principle were carefully followed.

2. Continue your courtship.

“Above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins’ ” (1 Peter 4:8).

“Her husband … praises her” (Proverbs 31:28).

“She who is married cares … how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34).

“Be kindly affectionate to one another … in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10).

Answer:   Continue—or revive—your courtship into your married life. Successful marriages don’t just happen; they must be developed. Don’t take one another for granted or the resulting monotony could harm your marriage. Keep your love for one another growing by expressing it to each other; otherwise, love might fade and you could drift apart. Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others. So spend as much time as possible doing things together. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm. Relax, visit, sightsee, and eat together. Don’t overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts. Surprise each other with gifts or favors. Try to “out-love” each other. Don’t try to take more out of your marriage than you put into it. Lack of love is the biggest destroyer of marriage.

*The Revised Standard Version of the Bible, (C) 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.

3. Remember that God joined you together in marriage.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. … So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:5, 6).

4. Guard your thoughts.

“As he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife” (Exodus 20:17).

“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

“Whatever things are true … noble … just … pure … lovely … of good report … meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

Answer:   The wrong kind of thinking can profoundly harm your marriage. The devil will tempt you with thoughts like, “Our marriage was a mistake,” “She doesn’t understand me,” “I can’t take much more of this,” “We can always divorce if necessary,” “I’ll go home to mother,” or, “He smiled at that woman.” This kind of thinking is dangerous because your thoughts ultimately govern your actions. Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that—or associating with anyone who—suggests being unfaithful. Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile left in neutral on a steep hill; the result could be disaster.

5. Never go to bed angry with one another.

“Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).

“Confess your trespasses to one another” (James 5:16).

“Forgetting those things which are behind” (Philippians 3:13).

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

Answer:   To remain angry over hurts and grievances—big or little—can be dangerous. Unless addressed in a timely manner, even little problems can become set in your mind as convictions and can adversely affect your outlook on life. This is why God said to let your anger cool before going to bed. Be big enough to forgive and to say, “I’m sorry.” After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be gracious enough to admit a mistake when you make it. Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together. God suggests it! It works!With Christ in your hearts and home, marriage will be successful.

6. Keep Christ in the center of your home.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1).

“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:6).

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

Answer:   This really is the greatest principle, because it’s the one that enables all the others. The vital ingredient of happiness in the home is not in diplomacy, strategy, or our effort to overcome problems, but rather in a union with Christ. Hearts filled with Christ’s love will not be far apart for long. With Christ in the home, a marriage has a greater chance at being successful. Jesus can wash away bitterness and disappointment and restore love and happiness.

7. Pray together.

“Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).

“Pray for one another” (James 5:16).

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally” (James 1:5).

Answer:   Pray with one another! This is a wonderful activity that will help your marriage succeed beyond your wildest dreams. Kneel before God and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom—for the solution to problems. God will answer. You won’t be automatically cured of every fault, but God will have greater access to change your heart and actions.

8. Agree that divorce is not the answer.

“What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

“Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

“The woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives” (Romans 7:2).

Answer:   The Bible says that the ties of marriage are meant to be unbreakable. Divorce is allowed only in cases of adultery. But even then, it is not demanded. Forgiveness is always better than divorce, even in the case of unfaithfulness.

When God ordained the first marriage in Eden, He designed it for life. Thus, marriage vows are among the most solemn and binding for a person to take on. But remember, God meant for marriage to elevate our lives and meet our needs in every way. Harboring thoughts of divorce will tend to destroy your marriage. Divorce is always destructive and is almost never a solution to the problem; instead, it usually creates greater problems—financial troubles, grieving children, etc.

9. Keep the family circle closed tightly.

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her. … She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:11, 12).

“The Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously” (Malachi 2:14).

“Keep you from the evil woman. … Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids. Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? … So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent” (Proverbs 6:24, 25, 27, 29).

Answer:   Private family matters should never be shared with others outside your home—not even parents. A person outside the marriage to sympathize with or listen to complaints can be used by the devil to estrange the hearts of a husband and wife. Solve your private home problems privately. No one else, except a minister or a marriage counselor, should be involved. Always be truthful with each other, and never keep secrets. Avoid telling jokes at the expense of your spouse’s feelings, and vigorously defend each other. Adultery will always hurt you and everyone else in your family. God, who knows our mind, body, and feelings, said, “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). If flirtations have already begun, break them off immediately—or shadows could settle over your life that cannot be easily lifted.

10. God describes love; make it your daily goal to measure up.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).

Answer:   This Bible passage is one of God’s greatest descriptions of love. Read it again and again. Have you made these words a part of your marriage experience? True love is not mere sentimental impulse, but rather a holy principle that involves every aspect of your married life. With true love, your marriage stands a far greater chance for success; without it, a marriage will likely fail quickly.

11. Remember that criticism and nagging destroy love.

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them” (Colossians 3:19).

“Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman” (Proverbs 21:19).

“A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15).

“Why do you look at the speck [splinter] in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank [whole board] in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3).

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Answer:   Stop criticizing, nagging, and finding fault in your partner. Your spouse might lack much, but criticism won’t help. Expecting perfection will bring bitterness to you and your spouse. Overlook faults and hunt for the good things. Don’t try to reform, control, or compel your partner—you will destroy love. Only God can change people. A sense of humor, a cheerful heart, kindness, patience, and affection will banish many of your marriage problems. Try to make your spouse happy rather than good, and the good will likely take care of itself. The secret of a successful marriage lies not in having the right partner, but in being the right partner.

12. Do not overdo in anything; be temperate.

“Everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things” (1 Corinthians 9:25).

“Love … does not seek its own [selfish advantage]” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5).

“Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

“I discipline my body and bring it into subjection” (1 Corinthians 9:27).

“If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10).

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).

“Do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts, and do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin” (Romans 6:12, 13).

Answer:   Overdoing will ruin your marriage. So will underdoing. Time with God, work, love, rest, exercise, play, meals, and social contact must be balanced in a marriage or something will snap. Too much work and a lack of rest, proper food, and exercise can lead a person to be critical, intolerant, and negative. The Bible also recommends a temperate sex life (1 Corinthians 7:3–6) because degrading and intemperate sex acts can destroy love and respect for one another. Social contact with others is essential; true happiness won’t be found in isolation. We must learn to laugh and enjoy wholesome, good times. To be serious all the time is dangerous. Overdoing or underdoing in anything weakens the mind, body, conscience, and the ability to love and respect one another. Don’t let intemperance damage your marriage.

13. Respect each other’s personal rights and privacies.

“Love suffers long and is kind; … Love does not envy … does not behave rudely, does not seek its own [in selfishness] … does not rejoice in iniquity … believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10).

Answer:   Each spouse has a God-given right to certain personal privacies. Do not tamper with each other’s wallets or purses, personal email, and other private property unless given permission. The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied should be respected. Your husband or wife even has a right to be wrong part of the time and is entitled to an “off-day” without being given the third degree. Marriage partners do not own each other and should never try to force personality changes. Only God can make such changes. Confidence and trust in one another is essential for happiness, so don’t check up on each other constantly. Spend less time trying to “figure out” your spouse and more time trying to please her or him. This works wonders.

14. Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful.

“In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel” (1 Timothy 2:9).

“She … willingly works with her hands. … She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household. … She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness” (Proverbs 31:13, 15, 27).

“Be clean” (Isaiah 52:11).

“Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40).

“If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).

“Do not become sluggish [lazy]” (Hebrews 6:12).

Answer:   Laziness and disorder can be used by the devil to destroy your respect and affection for one another and, thus, harm your marriage. Modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are important for both husband and wife. Both partners should take care to create a home environment that is clean and orderly, as this will bring peace and calmness. A lazy, shiftless spouse who does not contribute to the household is a disadvantage to the family and is displeasing to God. Everything done for one another should be done with care and respect. Carelessness in these seemingly small matters has caused division in countless homes.

15. Determine to speak softly and kindly.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love” (Ecclesiastes 9:9).

“When I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).

Answer:   Always speak softly and kindly to your spouse—even in disputes. Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged are unreliable anyway, so it’s best to relax and let anger cool before speaking. And when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly. Harsh, angry words can crush your spouse’s desire to please you.

16. Be reasonable in money matters.

“Love does not envy [is not possessive] … does not behave rudely, does not seek its own [selfish advantage]” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5).

“God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7).

Answer:   Household income should be shared in a marriage, with each partner having the right to spend a certain portion as desired and according to the family budget. Separate bank accounts tend to remove the opportunity to deepen trust, which is vital for a healthy marriage. Money management is a team effort. Both should be involved, but one should take ultimate responsibility. Money management roles should be determined by personal abilities and preferences.

17. Talk things over freely with one another.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

“He who disdains instruction despises his own soul” (Proverbs 15:32).

“Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Proverbs 26:12).

Answer:   Few things will strengthen your marriage more than open discussions on major decisions. Changing a job, purchasing something expensive, and other life decisions should involve both husband and wife—and differing opinions should be respected. Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could greatly weaken your marriage. If, after much discussion and earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her husband’s decision, which should be motivated by his deep love for his wife and his responsibility for her well-being. See Ephesians 5:22–25.

18. Do you want your marriage to reflect God’s unselfish, committed, and joyful love for you?

Answer:   

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Thought Questions

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1. Which marriage partner should be the first to make peace after a quarrel?

The one who was in the right!

2. Is there a principle for in-laws interfering in our family decisions?

Yes! Do not interfere with your son’s or daughter’s marriage unless your counsel is requested by both partners. (See 1 Thessalonians 4:11.) Many marriages that might have been a little heaven on earth have been damaged by in-laws. The duty of all in-laws is to leave the decisions made in the newly established home strictly alone.

3. My spouse is godless, and I am trying to be a Christian. His influence is terrible. Should I divorce him?

No! Read 1 Corinthians 7:12–14 and 1 Peter 3:1, 2. God gives a specific answer.

4. My spouse ran off with another person. Now repentant, she wants to return home. My pastor says I should take her back, but God forbids this, doesn’t He?

No. No, indeed! God permits divorce for adultery, yes, but He does not command it. Forgiveness is always better and is always preferred. (See Matthew 6:14, 15.) Divorce will seriously mar your life and the lives of your children. Give her another chance! The golden rule (Matthew 7:12) applies here. If you and your wife will turn your lives over to Christ, He will make your marriage supremely happy. It is not too late.

5. What can I do? Men are always coming on to me.

Being a woman in this culture isn’t easy because some men refuse to control their impulses. However, a few things you might do to help ward off unwanted attention is to dress modestly, avoid suggestive conversation or flirting, or engaging in activities that invite attention. There is something about Christian reserve and dignity that keeps a man in his place. Christ said, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

6. Can you tell me plainly what God’s counsel is to one who has fallen but is repentant?

Long ago Christ gave a pointed and comforting answer to one who had fallen into immorality but was repentant. “Jesus … said to her, ‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more’ ” (John 8:10, 11). His forgiveness and counsel still apply today.

7. Isn’t the “innocent party” in a divorce sometimes partially guilty also?

Certainly. Sometimes the “innocent party,” by a lack of love, inattentiveness, self-righteousness, unkindness, selfishness, nagging, or downright coldness, can encourage evil thoughts and actions in his or her spouse. Sometimes the “innocent party” might be as guilty before God as the “guilty” one. God looks upon our motives, seeing past our actions. “The Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

8. Does God expect me to live with a physically abusive spouse?

Physical abuse can be life threatening and is a serious problem that demands immediate attention. The spouse and family members who have been physically abused must find a safe environment in which to live. Both husband and wife need to seek professional help through a qualified Christian marriage counselor—and separation is often appropriate.

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Quiz Questions

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1. Marriage is (1)

_____   The joining of a man and woman together by God for life.
_____   A temporary, experimental arrangement to see if two people are compatible.
_____   Not even necessary. Men and women are free to live together without it.

2. God recognizes only one reason for divorce. It is (1)

_____   Incompatibility.
_____   An irritable spouse.
_____   Adultery
_____   Godlessness of marriage partner.

3. The courtesies of courtship (1)

_____   Should be continued in the married life.
_____   Should be dropped quickly after the wedding.
_____   Are really silly and unnecessary.

4. The best guarantee of success in marriage is (1)

_____   Having Christ in the hearts and home.
_____   For the husband to force his wife into line.
_____   For the wife to get her way by threatening divorce.

5. For safety in quarrels, do the following: (3)

_____   Speak softly and kindly to one another.
_____   Make your spouse admit error.
_____   Call in neighbors to settle things.
_____   Force your spouse to keep quiet.
_____   Walk out and stay away for several days.
_____   Pray together.
_____   Get over your anger before going to bed.

6. Check the items that are keys to success in marriage: (2)

_____   Close the family circle to all third parties.
_____   Live in your parents’ home.
_____   Run home to mother when angry.
_____   Tell close friends your spouse’s faults.
_____   Establish your own private home.
_____   Write an old boyfriend for counsel.
_____   Never confess first after a spat.

7. The best ways to improve your marriage partner are to (2)

_____   Threaten to leave unless you get your way.
_____   Nag and criticize.
_____   Improve your own relationship with Jesus Christ.
_____   Make your partner sleep alone.
_____   Be loving, appreciative, and forgiving.
_____   Force your partner to change.

8. Check the items below which endanger a marriage: (6)

_____   Criticism.
_____   A stingy husband.
_____   A money-wasting wife.
_____   Laziness.
_____   A Christian home.
_____   Praying together.
_____   Disorder and filthiness.
_____   A forgiving spirit.
_____   Jealousy.

9. For success in making major decisions, (2)

_____   Husband and wife should counsel together.
_____   You should force your will on your spouse.
_____   Seek God in prayer together.
_____   Insist upon having your own way.

10. A good rule for in-laws is to (1)

_____   Leave newlyweds alone.
_____   Insist that newlyweds live with you.
_____   Determine to counsel newlyweds whether they want it or not.

11. In case of unfaithfulness by your spouse, the best thing to do is to (1)

_____   Leave at once and never come back.
_____   Immediately tell everyone how “low-down” your partner is.
_____   Be willing to forgive and to preserve your home, if at all possible.

12. Thoughts should be guarded carefully because (2)

_____   Impure thoughts lead to impure acts.
_____   Your spouse can read your thoughts.
_____   Wrong thinking can severely harm your marriage.

13. I want my marriage to reflect God’s unselfish, committed, and joyful love for me.

_____   Yes
_____   No